hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
