I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
