Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
