i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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