I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
