This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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