College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
