The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
