I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
