PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
3pm strippers are depressing
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
