It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
