i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
