I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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