Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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