living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
