Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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