When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
