So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
