I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
