Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
