I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
