There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
there was a trapeze. enough said
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
