Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
