pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
