well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
