New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
