I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
