Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
