He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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