So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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