I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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