My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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