why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
