Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
