I feel like abortions should bother me more
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
