i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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