people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
