I accidentally burped into my bong.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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