Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Best friends brother. Beat that.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
