Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
