I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
