We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
