K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
