And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
