been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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