I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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