Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
