It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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