Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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