I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
