id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
