She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
