I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
