You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
