there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
